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Mocha Autism Network

Toni Braxton Didn’t Cause Her Son’s Autism & Neither Did You by Nadine Finigan-Carr

5/21/2014

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The Statements of Toni Braxton garnered a lot of reactions. Nadine Finigan- Carr has written about the issue. Please comment and share. Thanks so much. 


So Toni Braxton has been promoting her memoirs, Unbreak My Heart. As a result, she has been granting interviews and doing the talk show circuit to sell her book. I have always loved Ms. Braxton’s music. I was sorry to hear of her financial difficulties a few years back. I’m glad that she has been able to move past that phase in her life; and, I originally hoped that her book would sell and help her to continue to do so. Now that I have read a few of the articles from the interviews and seen her on Good Morning America, I am not sure if I want to read the book. 




You see, Toni Braxton’s son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Her family is an #AutismFamilyofColor. The fact that the media is spotlighting one of us should bring us joy. The part of her story that continues to be highlighted in interviews is what she originally thought was the cause of autism. She believed God was punishing her for an abortion she had in 2001 by “giving her son autism.” In fact, on Good Morning America today she stated at one point – “I thought that it was God’s punishment  (Source: http://gma.yahoo.com/video/toni-braxton-reveals-details-her-131945370.html).” 
Headlines in major newspapers like the Washington Post “Toni Braxton laments son’s autism as ‘God’s payback’ for abortion” abound. Ms. Braxton no longer believes this to be the case but this is what the media keeps highlighting because controversy and drama nets more readers and viewers. 

Many people question why they were blessed with a child on the Autism Spectrum when first 
diagnosed. There is truly a mourning period for the child one thought you would have. This is 
understandable and acceptable. Many of the parents in the survey I conducted last month had grief and mourning as a part of their narrative. A feeling of ‘what did we/I do wrong’ which you have to work through. One of the most poignant of the responses describes how one mom felt when she found out about her child’s diagnosis and the grief she manifested...


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Autism Awareness and Reality TV:  Thank you Meelah & Musiq of #RnBDivasATL 

5/6/2014

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So... Remember the LAST Time we had to talk about Autism Awareness and Reality TV?  When we talked about how Rapper Saigon did 5 out of 6 things NOT to do when discussing the possibility of autism with the other parent? If you didn't, you can check it out on the Classy, Black Girl site. 

When I heard that there was another child on the Autism Spectrum to be discussed on a reality I was ready to be mad. Seriously... I was all warmed up from the "Royal Blue for Autism Awareness" campaign and raring to go.

And in walks co-parenting couple Meelah Williams and Musiq Soulchild on RnB Divas Atlanta. 



And they are awesome!


They are showing that with active listening, co-parenting CAN indeed happen. Yes, there will be some hard days... There are anyway. But to know that each parent is listened to and their opinions respected, that totally makes a different. 

So let's use examples shown by Meelah and Musiq to talk about great tips for co-parenting a child on the spectrum: 



  • Communication is Key: . Sometimes it just takes being calmly listened to to take the tension away. When you are listened to, ideas can flow and solutions can be agreed on. 
  • Value Each Other: The best moment, I think, is when Musiq told Meelah, "That's your maternal instinct, I never want to get in the way of that" Listen...As a parent, you just want to know that you and your opinion are being valued. When you value the words of others, it calms the environment and shows everyone (including your child) that the focus is on making the best life. 
  • Be Present:  To actually "Be There." to be around when the insecurities come (and they will) and plans need to be made, to be there for each other is so important. 
  • Take Care of Yourself First: When you communicate and value each other and are there for each other. You feel better about Self-Care and taking care of your needs no matter how small. You know when you get airplane instructions and they tell you to put the mask on yourself first? Well when you feel like you are getting help, you feel more secure in your situation to do things for you. You are important too. 



Meelah Williams can be found on twitter at @ItsMeelah and doing great things for the Atlanta Area. Please give both her and Musiq (@MusiqSoulchild) support and love on this Journey.

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