 So... Remember the LAST Time we had to talk about Autism Awareness and Reality TV? When we talked about how Rapper Saigon did 5 out of 6 things NOT to do when discussing the possibility of autism with the other parent? If you didn't, you can check it out on the Classy, Black Girl site. When I heard that there was another child on the Autism Spectrum to be discussed on a reality I was ready to be mad. Seriously... I was all warmed up from the "Royal Blue for Autism Awareness" campaign and raring to go. And in walks co-parenting couple Meelah Williams and Musiq Soulchild on RnB Divas Atlanta. And they are awesome! They are showing that with active listening, co-parenting CAN indeed happen. Yes, there will be some hard days... There are anyway. But to know that each parent is listened to and their opinions respected, that totally makes a different. So let's use examples shown by Meelah and Musiq to talk about great tips for co-parenting a child on the spectrum:
Meelah Williams can be found on twitter at @ItsMeelah and doing great things for the Atlanta Area. Please give both her and Musiq (@MusiqSoulchild) support and love on this Journey.
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We are so lucky to be blessed with the opportunity to have a guest blog post by Kpana Kpoto of Sailing Autisic Seas.  I remember when I first learned that my son was on the autism spectrum back in 2011. Coming from an African and Caribbean background, I did not know anyone else with autism. Honestly, it felt isolating. It took me months before I could openly discuss my son’s diagnosis. My inability to talk about it was not because I was ashamed but because I was grieving the dreams that I had for him when he was born. Soon enough I realized that I had to shake myself out of this fog and start getting him the help that he needed. But what happens if a parent never shakes them self out of this fog? What happens when a parent is ashamed to tell others that their child is on the autism spectrum? I know in the black community we don’t like to talk much about mental health and developmental disabilities. Still something has to be done to eradicate the stigma that comes with developmental disabilities, such as autism in our community. What we have to realize is that not talking about it does not mean that it does not exist. The stigma surrounding autism can lead to a parent being in denial when they notice that their child is not developing typically. It can lead to a parent overlooking the signs that something is wrong and overlooking the importance of having their child evaluated. We already know how important early detection is. We know the difference early intervention can make in the life of a child who is delayed developmentally. So how can we reduce the stigma surrounding autism? Here are two ways that come to mind: Educate: There is a lot of awareness about autism but I am not sure that people really understand what it is. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), “Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges.” I like to stress the word spectrum and point out that autism presents itself differently in each individual. Like we always say in the autism community, when you see one person with autism you have seen one person with autism. Besides helping others to understand what autism is, it is also important to continue awareness campaigns not just in April but year round. It is important because awareness can lead to acceptance. This is what families like mine want. I want to know that my child is not seen as a second class citizen. Advocate: As parents of children on the autism spectrum, we can’t afford to be quiet about it. The stakes are too high. We need to speak up and keep the pressure on our legislators to enact meaningful laws that can bring autism insurance to all 50 states. We need to speak up so that the process to get the Medicaid waiver is not so complex and confusing to parents. We need to speak up about special education and ensure that our children’s rights under IDEA are not violated. We need to speak up to stop bullying against people with autism. We need to speak up to bring more awareness to wandering. Too many of our children are dying. About our Guest Author: Kpana Kpoto  I am wearing many hats these days. I am a special needs advocate, “Naavigator” (Parent Mentor) with the National Autism Association- NY Chapter, and co-founder of the Bronx Parents Autism Support Circle. I recently began writing autism blog posts on the award winning Web site Black and Married With Kids.  Guest Blogger: Mari Nosal M.Ed. CECE Also Posted on the Mari Nosal Website Autism Awareness month is upon us. What is awareness all about? I will start by posting a definition of awareness that I have mentioned in another post as well. According to the Merriam Webster Encyclopedia, awareness means: “knowing that something (such as a situation, condition, or problem) exists.”Knowing that something exists, is not quite the same as fully supporting the issue. An example would be that we may see a homeless individual on the street and feel some empathy for there dilemma. This is an example of awareness of a situation. An individual may express concern for the homeless person’s situation, yet walk by them and go about their day. Rather then walking away, the individual who acts upon their concern and offers the individual a cup of coffee, etc. has learned from their level of awareness and used their knowledge to take action. This said, I will not focus on whether an individual wears the color blue, which I am aware many individuals connect with Autism Speaks and present negative connotations towards this group. I do not care if an individual is wearing blue, orange, gold, or polka dots for that matter. We may be surprised and find that the meaning of wearing blue for one individual during autism awareness month may not fit ones preconceived notions. I attempt to look beyond the colors and witness the individual’s actions and character as first and formost. In not doing so, I would be presenting myself in a judgmental fashion akin with grouping African Americans, Asians, Caucasians, Indians, etc. into a preconceived belief system. Example in point: All Asians are not smart, all Indians are not rich because of casinos, all African Americans do not play basketball, and all Caucasians are not money hungry baseball lovers. I would be acting in an archaic manner and stepping back into another century where prejudice ran rampant in harboring these notions. In the same fashion that “if we have worked with one autistic individual, we have worked with all autistic individuals” This is a phrase that I personally abhor as there is a reason it is called the autistic spectrum. It is called a spectrum because there are are many different degrees of autism. This ideology is an example of a preconceived notion as well. Individuals on the autistic spectrum present with varied personalities and needs, just like typically developing individuals do. To take the idea of preconceived notions a bit further. One may assume a color is symbolic for a group or belief. For another individual, that color may symbolize something totally different. I will continue to favor the color blue because it is symbolic of something very different in my eyes. For me, the color blue symbolizes promise. As I peer into the sky I see spring approaching after a gray dismal winter. I see a beautiful blue horizon that has taken on a distinctly sharper more vivid hue then was evident in the winter sky. While peering at the Spring sky, I see promise of green grass coming back to life, the return of birds tweeting outside my window. In conjunction with autism, I connect the blue horizon that extends for miles into the atmosphere and over the ocean with realization that the autistic spectrum knows no boundaries. As the horizon is spread across the whole world in areas where our eyes cannot peer, the autism spectrum holds secrets that we cannot see. It holds the secret to individuals futures that we cannot see. We do not have a crystal ball. i.e. a child that was not supposed to speak, ends up doing so, a child who’s parents were told to institutionalize them suddenly gains an awareness of their surroundings that no one expected, the child who was not supposed to toilet or self feed independently miraculously does so. As the horizon connects us all together although we are not aware of the activity on the other side of the world, our children have a future path that we are not aware of. As you can see, blue possesses a different meaning for me then it does for someone else. Lets get to know each other before making judgments. Focus on the advantages of autism awareness month. Breed awareness through your actions not preconceived notions. A color will not change the world but making a difference will. Help a family who is overtired from caring for children on the autism spectrum. Help the family do chores, watch their special needs child so they can get a few hours of uninterrupted rest or enjoy a cup of coffee alone at a restaurant. Help an adult on the spectrum who cannot drive by giving him a ride to work or elsewhere. Offer to help him or her compose a letter if they struggle with writing skills. Teach a parent support class, offer to teach life skills for free to transitioning young adults. These are mere examples of focusing on not only awareness but acceptance and education for the autism spectrum as well. Last but not least, do not stop with only making contributions during autism awareness month. Continue helping society to become accepting and a place where all on the spectrum can live, work, love and play 12 months of the year. For families and individuals affected by autism, autism awareness is a 24 – 7 life for them. The blue lights in the Empire State building, the rivers tinted blue, (or gold or purple for that matter) will dissipate and soon be a memory. Your efforts within the autism community will make a lasting impact however. Parents and individuals affected by autism will still be living with it after April is nothing but a mere memory. As families and individuals live with autism seven days a week, let’s make a pact to stay action oriented seven days a week as well. Keep your focus on the goal. When there is no more blue what will you do? Thank you and let’s start advocating. About our Guest Blogger: Mari Nosal M.Ed. CECE is a published author and focus on books pertaining to autism and Aspergers Syndrome. I have recently published a book with curriculum ideas for inclusive and multi age classrooms. Note: Although I will be talking about the seriousness of Autism Awareness, I will be throwing occasional shade on the crazy that is this show, because some of this... Man, Listen... OK, so here's the thing: I TOTALLY watch Love & Hip Hop: NY. Some days are so filled with crazy, you want the scripted "realness" that it provides. Stop shaking your head... There are worse things I could be doing. You are going to have to judge me later because you are about to miss my point. ANYWAY... I was watching last night and besides the usual ridiculousness there was something that was troubling regarding the rapper Saigon and concerns about his son. Let's first talk about the positive steps taken:
See... there were good things that happened in that he was initially proactive in trying to problem solve... That's good. So... After Saigon seeks advice from the guy that doesn't understand why his long term girlfriend won't be with him after he marries his artist (yep, you read that right also...), this happens with Erica Jean, his Son's mother: Sigh...
Follow me on this folks... there is a huge stigma regarding developmental challenges and delays in our children, BLAMING THE PARENT IS NEVER A GOOD ICE BREAKER... Let's start with that. So let's talk about this in the sphere of being a non-custodial parent. You don't know what the mother is doing and when you use these statements and start the conversations with "I'm not around him as much..." Yeah, stop digging... "You aren't as attentive as you should be." <--- This type of statement won't get you the buy in you need for what you want, which is a proper assessment for your child. "I'm Blaming you as the Mother." <--- Yeah, don't say this. Communication has completely broken down at this point. It is because of statements like these that Erica Jean was not receptive to ANYTHING that was presented to her, even if he is right... Sir, You have just called her a horrible Mother, She is out of Give a Damns regarding any opinions you present. So with that out of the way, let's talk about effective ways for parents to discuss observations in developmental challenges and approach possible assessments:
There is a lot of fear among parents surrounding the thought of developmental challenges in their children. This can be heightened by harsh words. Knowing this, everyone has to behave like a grown up to get things accomplished. Believe me, this is nothing compared what you will encounter with all the institutions you will be dealing with,so you need to act as a team. Now if you will excuse me, there has to be some housewife or rapper or something on... Lemme check my TV Guide... By Monika Brooks There's no question more frequent than the "Why is your child so different?" question. It becomes more prevalent during the holiday season when not so frequent relatives come to visit. There are many "He looks fine to me" inferences from those that think that when you speak about your children neurologically different children. Well, Kathy Hoopmann has a trio of books that are great at not only explaining Asperger's and ADHD to children. It is also a lesson for the Adults that read with them. The bright pictures of Animals in different scenarios will hold the attention of children and adults alike and the captions will dramatically describe the traits for Asperger Syndrome and ADHD to a tee. These books are very encouraging to children that in someways feel out of place in a group setting. It also is great for adults to not only understand and embrace the differences of these great children, the book helps us (adults) explain to others when the questions come (and they will come). This set of books will cost you under $35 and is great for a family that have recently received a diagnosis.  ALL CATS HAVE ASPERGER SYNDROME All Cats have Asperger Syndrome is a great tool to help both children and the grown ups that love them understand how AS works. Always known for their aloof behavior and almost disregard for humans, Cats are the perfect parallel to the traits of a person with Asperger Syndrome.  ALL DOGS HAVE ADHD All Dogs have ADHD, with follows with the theme of All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, is a great book that is an easy read as well as easily to be explained to both children and adults. The book takes a similar humorous approach to explaining ADHD and its traits by using the traits of dogs.  INSIDE ASPERGER'S LOOKING OUT
Hoopmann's latest book expands to more of our furry friends to explain what Asperger Syndrome looks like from the inside, or the mind, of the person with the traits. Different from All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, where the book covers how the world kind of guesses whats going on with the person with Asperger's. Inside Asperger's Looking Out focuses on the person with the diagnosis views the world. This book includes traits not mentioned in the previously mentioned book, such as hyper sensitivity and being sensitive to light.  by Monika Brooks Last weekend I was on a Tech Break... I came back to emails and Posts asking me about how I felt about Joe Scarborough. My First Reaction was that he probably said something about the election. Although he didn't want to make "a generalization," MSNBC's Joe Scarborough assumed that James Holmes, The accused person in the Aurora, CO Shooting, was on the "Autism Scale.." and apparently told people so on his show "Morning Joe." sigh Joe Scarborough is given credibility because of his previous position in US Congress and the fact that his Son is diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum. He is a noted author and claims to be a supporter of education programs across the country. Scarborough is someone that has pull in places where Celebs don't... His phone calls on the Hill get answered. So Let's play a game. Lets give into Scarborough's assumption that folks on the "Autism Scale" (in this case Mr. Scarborough pointed out 'Asperger's') "have this Trait. Now let me give you the information that my son was diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum at age 4. Now add the fact that People of Color are being harassed, arrested and Shot at alarming rates around the country. Let's add the information that Blacks/Latinos are the least diagnosed and most suspended in the US School System. Now understand that Scarborough used to be in the position to create laws... Yeah, that's why he is worse than Denis Leary and 50 Cent Combined... It is unacceptable that Scarborough is allowed to provide a half-hearted apology and a say that he will continue to work with the Autism Speaks organization and have folks think its OK. His work so far has not provided him any additional awareness so far, Don't let this slide. His words are no more powerful than yours  In addition to her position as co-founder of the Mocha Autism Network, Monika Brooks is a Leadership and Diversity Consultant, radio host, and Advocate for Parents with children on Autism Spectrum. She can be reached by email here.  by Monika Brooks So I’m watching Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta (Yes, I do watch it. Fight me…) and reading the live tweets as usual and the following tweet comes up: “#LHHATL I think Stevie J may be on the autism spectrum. Serious.” For those of you that are above watching the show, I will explain: He is a musician that says he has 5 Children by 5 different women. He is also a womanizer and a narcissist that you would not only not want near your daughter, you would pretty much not want her in the same state with him. One woman corrected him, pointing out that just because he’s a horrible person, a link to the autism spectrum should not be made. Very good point as some folks can just be horrible with no diagnosis at all. The original poster noted that because of Stevie J’s Inability to check for social cues, that Asperger’s is his guess. The woman was unmoved and said simply: "Because Stevie J is an idiot.....that should not be compared with autism" Completely valid and handled with dignity and poise. No fanfare, no mass promotion. Just a simple correction of someone that heard of Autism and not experienced it first hand. Handled exactly how it should be. Because the post I saw came from someone considered an academic, and he is basically well liked, and is considered a voice of the people, there will be no 50 Cent style outrage. There will be no “this is what Autism looks like” twitter stream of beautiful children and adults on the autism spectrum. There will be no letter from Holly Robinson Peete broadcasted on every form of media and Social Media. Just like there was no protest of the movie “21 Jump Street (which featured a cameo of Mrs. Robinson Peete)” that had a similar “Are you Autistic?” joke. I’m not mad at all. There are specific reasons why certain things are noteworthy and others aren’t. I am personally not mad at the fact that the person posted something that made him seem uninformed. And I am not going to launch a huge protest and here's why: It’s what I call the “Politics of Protest.” There is no “money” in protesting a random person. There is believed to be no more political capital gained in defending folks on the Autism Spectrum to this person as it is for us to defend them against the grandparent, preacher or random parent that tells us parents of children on the Spectrum that we should pray or spank the Autism away. As parents/advocates, we somehow feel more comfortable correcting celebrities than we do folks we know. We go all in on folks like 50 Cent, while folks like our teachers, relatives and neighbors are left uninformed. The presence of social media makes things easier as there is a safe level of distance between us and those we protest. We won’t get the look of disbelief or cynicism that we normally get when we explain the spectrum and our child’s place in it. I would offer that there is more to Autism Awareness than to go after celebrities. We must be strong everywhere starting with the elder that doesn’t understand how you “allow” meltdowns to happen. Then spread out to the teacher that incorrectly calls your child a disciplinary problem instead of looking deeper. Individual protest is needed daily to provide the “protest” we seek for Autism and other Invisible challenges (ADHD, Dyslexia, Etc…). And to that young lady that spoke out because she felt she should speak for those that can't speak for themselves, Thank you! You are part of the solution. About the Author:  In addition to her position as co-founder of the Mocha Autism Network, Monika Brooks is a Leadership and Diversity Consultant, radio host, and Advocate for Parents with children on Autism Spectrum. She can be reached by email here.
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