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Autism Awareness and Reality TV: Thank you Meelah & Musiq of #RnBDivasATL

5/6/2014

So... Remember the LAST Time we had to talk about Autism Awareness and Reality TV? When we talked about how Rapper Saigon did 5 out of 6 things NOT to do when discussing the possibility of autism with the other parent? If you didn't, you can check it out on the Classy, Black Girl site.

When I heard that there was another child on the Autism Spectrum to be discussed on a reality I was ready to be mad. Seriously... I was all warmed up from the "Royal Blue for Autism Awareness" campaign and raring to go.

And in walks co-parenting couple Meelah Williams and Musiq Soulchild on RnB Divas Atlanta.

And they are awesome!

They are showing that with active listening, co-parenting CAN indeed happen. Yes, there will be some hard days... There are anyway. But to know that each parent is listened to and their opinions respected, that totally makes a different.

So let's use examples shown by Meelah and Musiq to talk about great tips for co-parenting a child on the spectrum:

Communication is Key: . Sometimes it just takes being calmly listened to to take the tension away. When you are listened to, ideas can flow and solutions can be agreed on.
Value Each Other: The best moment, I think, is when Musiq told Meelah, "That's your maternal instinct, I never want to get in the way of that" Listen...As a parent, you just want to know that you and your opinion are being valued. When you value the words of others, it calms the environment and shows everyone (including your child) that the focus is on making the best life.
Be Present: To actually "Be There." to be around when the insecurities come (and they will) and plans need to be made, to be there for each other is so important.
Take Care of Yourself First: When you communicate and value each other and are there for each other. You feel better about Self-Care and taking care of your needs no matter how small. You know when you get airplane instructions and they tell you to put the mask on yourself first? Well when you feel like you are getting help, you feel more secure in your situation to do things for you. You are important too.

Meelah Williams can be found on twitter at @ItsMeelah and doing great things for the Atlanta Area. Please give both her and Musiq (@MusiqSoulchild) support and love on this Journey.

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Autism Awareness and Reality TV... Love and Hip Hop Edition

11/26/2013

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Note: Although I will be talking about the seriousness of Autism Awareness, I will be throwing occasional shade on the crazy that is this show, because some of this... Man, Listen...

OK, so here's the thing: I TOTALLY watch Love & Hip Hop: NY. Some days are so filled with crazy, you want the scripted "realness" that it provides. Stop shaking your head... There are worse things I could be doing. You are going to have to judge me later because you are about to miss my point. ANYWAY... I was watching last night and besides the usual ridiculousness there was something that was troubling regarding the rapper Saigon and concerns about his son. Let's first talk about the positive steps taken:

After comparing his 2 year old son with his 2 year old daughter (Yes, you read that right), he noticed that his Son was not hitting the developmental benchmarks she was. He knew of these benchmarks because he checked the Internet and looked them up. This is a good thing we should all do as parents. You can check the benchmarks here.
He reads up on Autism and its traits. This is also good. Especially in the Black Community where the children are diagnosed as late as 2 1/2 years later than white children. Autism traits can be identified between 12-18 Months so to check for these traits is what should happen.

See... there were good things that happened in that he was initially proactive in trying to problem solve... That's good.

So... After Saigon seeks advice from the guy that doesn't understand why his long term girlfriend won't be with him after he marries his artist (yep, you read that right also...), this happens with Erica Jean, his Son's mother:

TV Shows - Full Episode Video - Reality TV Shows

Sigh...

Follow me on this folks... there is a huge stigma regarding developmental challenges and delays in our children, BLAMING THE PARENT IS NEVER A GOOD ICE BREAKER... Let's start with that. So let's talk about this in the sphere of being a non-custodial parent. You don't know what the mother is doing and when you use these statements and start the conversations with "I'm not around him as much..." Yeah, stop digging...

"You aren't as attentive as you should be." <--- This type of statement won't get you the buy in you need for what you want, which is a proper assessment for your child.

"I'm Blaming you as the Mother." <--- Yeah, don't say this. Communication has completely broken down at this point.

It is because of statements like these that Erica Jean was not receptive to ANYTHING that was presented to her, even if he is right... Sir, You have just called her a horrible Mother, She is out of Give a Damns regarding any opinions you present.

So with that out of the way, let's talk about effective ways for parents to discuss observations in developmental challenges and approach possible assessments:

Understand that things like Autism, ADHD and other developmental differences aren't the fault of any parent. The purpose of your conversation is to shift to "problem solving mode."
Frame all discussions (you will have more than one) around the child's strengths first, concerns second.
Try to have a fluid conversation. Say things like "I'm noticing .... do you see the same?" or "I have been seeing.... How about you?"
Take notes: have a notebook with you so that when you notice things (non verbal, noise sensitivity, etc) you can have it documented. This will not only help you with your discussion with the other parent, but down the road if/when you go for assessments.
Mention the option of getting an assessment if for no other reason than to ruling things out. This may soften the hesitation and intimidation of any forthcoming process.

There is a lot of fear among parents surrounding the thought of developmental challenges in their children. This can be heightened by harsh words. Knowing this, everyone has to behave like a grown up to get things accomplished. Believe me, this is nothing compared what you will encounter with all the institutions you will be dealing with,so you need to act as a team.

Now if you will excuse me, there has to be some housewife or rapper or something on... Lemme check my TV Guide...

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FREE ASSESSMENTS offered in the Bay Area

7/29/2013

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Dear Neighbors,

John F. Kennedy University's Doctor of Psychology program is offering FREE comprehensive assessments for children and teens for a very limited time. The assessments are conducted by advanced doctoral students and supervised by licensed psychologists these assessments usually cost upwards of $3000.

Comprehensive assessments can assist students & parents in identifying, diagnosing and advocating for unmet needs to school districts along with providing guidance, techniques, skills and interventions that can be implemented by parents, teachers and students to improve outcomes.

If you have a child or adolescent whom you feel would benefit from a comprehensive psychological assessment please contact either Dr. Annie Gutierrez at 925-265-6055 or Dr. Alvin McLean at 925-969-3599.

The JFKU Community Center is conveniently located directly across the street from the Concord bart station at 2702 Clayton Rd. Concord, CA 94519 for additional information about services available that the JFKU Community Center please see our page at:http://www.jfku.edu/Locations/Community-Counseling-Centers/Community-Center-Concord.html

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2013 "Must See" Blogs List

4/17/2013

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There are plenty of "Best Blogs" lists in the Autism Community. In looking at them, a lot of them are mostly the same: not much diversity, and not much different than the year before. We have decided to create a list of our own that shows the diversity of Voices among the Autism spectrum.

Here was the criteria used:

~The blog must be active
(honorable mention was given to great blogs that have not posted withing the last quarter.)
~Although there can be other items on the website, there must be a blog that speak on their experiences along the Autism Journey .

What makes our list different?

Well, because our perspective also includes knowledge of diverse and/or lesser known voices, our list will point out many sites that may or may not have seen on the more popular sites.

Here we go (in no particular order):

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Why Joe Scarborough is the most troublesome

7/24/2012

1 Comment

by Monika Brooks

Last weekend I was on a Tech Break... I came back to emails and Posts asking me about how I felt about Joe Scarborough. My First Reaction was that he probably said something about the election.

Although he didn't want to make "a generalization," MSNBC's Joe Scarborough assumed that James Holmes, The accused person in the Aurora, CO Shooting, was on the "Autism Scale.." and apparently told people so on his show "Morning Joe." sigh

Joe Scarborough is given credibility because of his previous position in US Congress and the fact that his Son is diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum. He is a noted author and claims to be a supporter of education programs across the country. Scarborough is someone that has pull in places where Celebs don't... His phone calls on the Hill get answered.

So Let's play a game.

Lets give into Scarborough's assumption that folks on the "Autism Scale" (in this case Mr. Scarborough pointed out 'Asperger's') "have this Trait. Now let me give you the information that my son was diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum at age 4. Now add the fact that People of Color are being harassed, arrested and Shot at alarming rates around the country. Let's add the information that Blacks/Latinos are the least diagnosed and most suspended in the US School System. Now understand that Scarborough used to be in the position to create laws...

Yeah, that's why he is worse than Denis Leary and 50 Cent Combined...

It is unacceptable that Scarborough is allowed to provide a half-hearted apology and a say that he will continue to work with the Autism Speaks organization and have folks think its OK. His work so far has not provided him any additional awareness so far, Don't let this slide. His words are no more powerful than yours

In addition to her position as co-founder of the Mocha Autism Network, Monika Brooks is a Leadership and Diversity Consultant, radio host, and Advocate for Parents with children on Autism Spectrum. She can be reached by email here.

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The Politics of Protest: #Autism Edition

7/17/2012

3 Comments

by Monika Brooks

So I’m watching Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta (Yes, I do watch it. Fight me…) and reading the live tweets as usual and the following tweet comes up:

“#LHHATL I think Stevie J may be on the autism spectrum. Serious.”

For those of you that are above watching the show, I will explain: He is a musician that says he has 5 Children by 5 different women. He is also a womanizer and a narcissist that you would not only not want near your daughter, you would pretty much not want her in the same state with him.

One woman corrected him, pointing out that just because he’s a horrible person, a link to the autism spectrum should not be made. Very good point as some folks can just be horrible with no diagnosis at all. The original poster noted that because of Stevie J’s Inability to check for social cues, that Asperger’s is his guess. The woman was unmoved and said simply:

"Because Stevie J is an idiot.....that should not be compared with autism"

Completely valid and handled with dignity and poise. No fanfare, no mass promotion. Just a simple correction of someone that heard of Autism and not experienced it first hand. Handled exactly how it should be.

Because the post I saw came from someone considered an academic, and he is basically well liked, and is considered a voice of the people, there will be no 50 Cent style outrage. There will be no “this is what Autism looks like” twitter stream of beautiful children and adults on the autism spectrum. There will be no letter from Holly Robinson Peete broadcasted on every form of media and Social Media.

Just like there was no protest of the movie “21 Jump Street (which featured a cameo of Mrs. Robinson Peete)” that had a similar “Are you Autistic?” joke. I’m not mad at all. There are specific reasons why certain things are noteworthy and others aren’t.

I am personally not mad at the fact that the person posted something that made him seem uninformed. And I am not going to launch a huge protest and here's why: It’s what I call the “Politics of Protest.”

There is no “money” in protesting a random person. There is believed to be no more political capital gained in defending folks on the Autism Spectrum to this person as it is for us to defend them against the grandparent, preacher or random parent that tells us parents of children on the Spectrum that we should pray or spank the Autism away.

As parents/advocates, we somehow feel more comfortable correcting celebrities than we do folks we know. We go all in on folks like 50 Cent, while folks like our teachers, relatives and neighbors are left uninformed. The presence of social media makes things easier as there is a safe level of distance between us and those we protest. We won’t get the look of disbelief or cynicism that we normally get when we explain the spectrum and our child’s place in it.

I would offer that there is more to Autism Awareness than to go after celebrities. We must be strong everywhere starting with the elder that doesn’t understand how you “allow” meltdowns to happen. Then spread out to the teacher that incorrectly calls your child a disciplinary problem instead of looking deeper. Individual protest is needed daily to provide the “protest” we seek for Autism and other Invisible challenges (ADHD, Dyslexia, Etc…).

And to that young lady that spoke out because she felt she should speak for those that can't speak for themselves, Thank you! You are part of the solution.

About the Author:

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Autism Awareness and Reality TV: Thank you Meelah & Musiq of #RnBDivasATL

Autism Awareness and Reality TV... Love and Hip Hop Edition

FREE ASSESSMENTS offered in the Bay Area

2013 "Must See" Blogs List

Suggested Reading: Kathy Hoopmann Books~ the Holiday Triple Play

Why Joe Scarborough is the most troublesome

The Politics of Protest: #Autism Edition

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