My Son, Chauncey, is a very special boy. Not any more special than either of my older Sons or any of your Sons or Daughters for that matter. As with most parents, I was very protective of Chauncey as he moved throughout school but he always let me know that he had it under control. Educationally and socially, Chauncey was able to adapt to every situation and acclimate himself as a welcome part of his school family. By the time he entered Middle School, he was officially on a mainstream track and exceeding all of my expectations. Even with his Autism diagnosis (which he received at the age of 3 ½), Chauncey has proven to be a ‘normal’ 11 year old boy. If that’s the case, why was I so shocked to discover that my son … my sweet chunky baby boy … is becoming a man. I don’t know if it was Old Spice but someone sprayed a man on my Son.
By golly, I have another Tweener on my hands. Give me strength!
Chauncey, Chunk for short, attended his Cousins 13th birthday party in March. I was shocked at how he showered, combed his hair, brushed his teeth and got dressed without my prompting. He knew that there would be dancing and food at the party and he was so excited to get there. When we arrived, he noticed the dance floor was filled with balloons. Chunk experiences anxiety around just one balloon … he hates to hear them pop. Fifty balloons proved to be terror and he spent a great part of the first half of the party outside. It was hard to watch but he continued to entertain himself so I didn’t bother him. When Chunk disappeared, I went to a few of his ‘hiding spots’ to see if he was okay. When I couldn’t locate him, I became afraid and almost went into a panic. That is until I saw a juggernaut rushing toward me. It was Chunk! He ran into me so hard that I almost fell to the ground. I asked him what was going on and he answered, “Mom!! You won’t believe it. Gabby is here. I have to overcome my fears so I can dance with her”. First … Who said you can like a girl so much that you’d knock your Mom to the ground?! Second … What can I do to help you calm down?
By golly, I have another Tweener on my hands. Give me strength!
Chauncey, Chunk for short, attended his Cousins 13th birthday party in March. I was shocked at how he showered, combed his hair, brushed his teeth and got dressed without my prompting. He knew that there would be dancing and food at the party and he was so excited to get there. When we arrived, he noticed the dance floor was filled with balloons. Chunk experiences anxiety around just one balloon … he hates to hear them pop. Fifty balloons proved to be terror and he spent a great part of the first half of the party outside. It was hard to watch but he continued to entertain himself so I didn’t bother him. When Chunk disappeared, I went to a few of his ‘hiding spots’ to see if he was okay. When I couldn’t locate him, I became afraid and almost went into a panic. That is until I saw a juggernaut rushing toward me. It was Chunk! He ran into me so hard that I almost fell to the ground. I asked him what was going on and he answered, “Mom!! You won’t believe it. Gabby is here. I have to overcome my fears so I can dance with her”. First … Who said you can like a girl so much that you’d knock your Mom to the ground?! Second … What can I do to help you calm down?
After some deep breathing and affirmations, Chunk went onto the dance floor and started hiding the balloons under the refreshment tables. Once he had the balloons out of site and out of mind, he walked over to Gabby and asked her if she wanted to dance. She smiled and told him yes. His face lit up as he walked her to the dance floor. I stood, behind a pillar, and watched my little boy grow up right before my eyes. He has liked Gabby for so long and he finally got up the nerve to tell her. As the night progressed, he continued to enjoy the party. Whenever the kids would remember the balloons, he’d let them play with them for a few minutes and then he would round up the ones not being used and place them back under the table. The others … he'd wait until it hit the ground and hid it too. When I asked him if he needed any help, he looked at me and said, ‘It’s cool, Mom. I got it’. And he definitely had it under total control.
At the end of the party, Chunk walked over to Gabby and greeted her goodbye and gave her a kiss on her cheek. MY BABY HAD HIS FIRST KISS!!! And he was so cool about it. It was no big thing. YEAH RIGHT!! He was so happy for the rest of the weekend. He has so much more confidence in himself. He takes a greater interest in his appearance. He’s a Tweener.
My take away, and one I’d like to share with other awesomely awesome parents of awesomely autistic kids, is to allow Chauncey to experience his life. I don’t want to build the boundaries around him so tight that he can’t learn who he is and how he relates to the world. I’m never going to stop hiding behind the pillar to watch him but I’m also not going to try to direct his story. His autism makes him special but not. He will have the same challenges and trials that his older brothers did and do. Autism
notwithstanding, my Sons are Black Men living in a society who does not understand them. Chauncey is 5’5” at 11 years old so I know well enough that society is really not going to understand a big black man who is sweet as a lamb but doesn’t always comprehend. So my job is to empower him to learn his environment and how to safely navigate it. I know my ‘baby’ will be okay. How do I know … because he told me so.
Work It Out, Chunk!!
At the end of the party, Chunk walked over to Gabby and greeted her goodbye and gave her a kiss on her cheek. MY BABY HAD HIS FIRST KISS!!! And he was so cool about it. It was no big thing. YEAH RIGHT!! He was so happy for the rest of the weekend. He has so much more confidence in himself. He takes a greater interest in his appearance. He’s a Tweener.
My take away, and one I’d like to share with other awesomely awesome parents of awesomely autistic kids, is to allow Chauncey to experience his life. I don’t want to build the boundaries around him so tight that he can’t learn who he is and how he relates to the world. I’m never going to stop hiding behind the pillar to watch him but I’m also not going to try to direct his story. His autism makes him special but not. He will have the same challenges and trials that his older brothers did and do. Autism
notwithstanding, my Sons are Black Men living in a society who does not understand them. Chauncey is 5’5” at 11 years old so I know well enough that society is really not going to understand a big black man who is sweet as a lamb but doesn’t always comprehend. So my job is to empower him to learn his environment and how to safely navigate it. I know my ‘baby’ will be okay. How do I know … because he told me so.
Work It Out, Chunk!!
Nichole Little, is the Executive Director of SHERO, A Sexual Health and HIV Awareness organization in Oakland, CA.
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